Sunday, May 15

Top Reasons to Read This

I am now communicating exclusively in bulleted lists.  Apparently the American public can only read short articles that begin with 'Top 5 Best..' or 'Three Leading..' or 'Ten Cheapest..'

Top Three Reasons Americans only Read Top Bullet List Articles
1) These days writers are putting too many words in one sentence.  People just don't have the time to read and absorb all of those words at one time.
2) Long sentences strain the synapses
3)Any other reasons I come up with here are going to be disparaging to 1) the general public, 2) the media and 3) the current status of the American education system

Top 5 Articles Worth Reading Today

1) Sony Playstation3 is going back online after network security was breached in April with users personal information, including their credit card information compromised by hackers.  I'm pretty sure the mastermind behind this plan was a mom who was sick of telling little Timmy to stop playing playstation and do his homework - or - it was Timmy's nemesis; Jimmy who always lost to Timmy at Hulu and Vudu.  As final revenge, Jimmy spent months holed up in his room, Mark Zuckerberg style and then attacked Sony, bringing his nemesis Timmy down forever.  More importantly, we need to find the hackers and give them a job!  Jimmy or Timmy's mom could be assisting the United States efforts to shut down cyberspace terrorist attacks.

2)  6. 9", 245 lb. Charles Oakley, NBA star and Michael Jordan's bodyguard has sued a Vegas resort alleging that he was beaten and badly/permanently injured by a gang style beating by resort security.  I wasn't even there and I can tell you this is an open and shut case.  It isn't possible to cause bodily harm to a 6.9" 245 pound oak tree without help from a friend.  I'm sure it was obvious when the oak tree showed up in the emergency room with severe injuries that it took a team, much like a basketball team to cause the injuries.  What nimrod would participate in the Charles Oakley gang-style beat down?  Just a reminder to the nimrods; Charles Oakley has his own team - think the entire NBA - starting with his most recent employer, Michael Jordan - all of whom are over 6 feet tall and 200 lbs. and all of them have a brother that are looking for team nimrod the next time they visit Vegas.

3) May 14th is Garden naked day.  You are supposed to go in your garden and pull weeds or whatever you do in your garden in the buff.  Someone wrote a book about this and now it is a national day.  Seriously if this guy could get a book published and get this kind of press can you explain to me why I can't find an agent?

Bulls Forward & Oak Tree, Charles Oakley

(It would take more than one person to injure that guy <-  and at least ten nimrods.)

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