Queen wants to be a Queen without initiation

Life as a female has its ups and downs. Sure, the ups are wonderful, but I'm here to tell you as an authoritative source, the downs can hit rock bottom. Women are involuntarily initiated into the female club at birth. The estrogen downs smack us in the face before we can even drive a car.

Hazed by our own hormones, our teenage years are consumed by acne and tears. Tormented by an extra X chromosome, we're forced to face the challenges of menstruation, mascara and menopause. Who in their right mind would voluntarily join this club?

Jenna Talackova is one woman who seems to relish her membership in the female club. Talackova won the Miss Vancouver beauty pageant, qualifying her for the Miss Universe Canada pageant. The winner of Miss Universe Canada moves on to compete in Donald Trump's TV broadcast, Miss Universe pageant. Last week, Talackova was disqualified from the Miss Universe Canada competition. Apparently the stunning Miss Talackova is transgender.

She (he?) was born male and had "gender reassignment surgery" at age 19 to become a female. I had no idea one could be reassigned. I would like to be reassigned as a princess which would only be a matter of paperwork and not nearly as complicated as gender altering surgery. There would be no need for anesthesia and no potential medical malpractice suit. I try hard not to think about the details of Talackova's surgery for many reasons but I can't help it, my mind keeps returning to the operating room. The surgical procedure must be incredibly difficult for the doctor and patient. And what medication could possibly manage that level of pain?

Last week, the Miss Universe Canada organization issued a media release stating that Talackova was eliminated "because she did not meet the requirements to compete despite having stated otherwise on her entry form. We do, however, respect her goals " What are Talackova's goals? Does she want to be beautiful and compete in beauty pageants? She is already beautiful and has an eerie likeness to Ivanka Trump. Could she not be a model or perhaps participate in another Donald Trump TV show, such as "Celebrity Apprentice"?

Talackova was approached after pageant staff found evidence on her Facebook page that she was in fact transgender. How many times must it be proven that social media is the two-faced friend that will stab you in the back at any given moment?

The basic pageant rules on the pageant website state that a contestant must be a single female between the ages of 18 and 27. A spokesperson for the pageant organization also said that Talackova broke contestant rules which specify each contestant must be a "naturally born female" (a rule included in all Miss Universe pageants). Talackova wrote on her application that she was born female when in fact she was obviously born male. Talackova also objects to the wording "naturally born." I suppose it's fair to say that she was naturally born considering she didn't hatch from an egg. She is now 23 but technically was a man at age 18 and a woman at age 19.

According to a report on MSNBC.com, not long after her surgery, Talackova competed in Miss International Queen in 2010, a competition for transgender and transsexual people. In an interview posted on YouTube, she said she knew she was a girl at age 4.
So what defines Talackova's gender? Her chromosomes are X and Y, making her biologically male. However, by appearance, she is female.

Meanwhile, Talackova has consulted an attorney and has used her Twitter account to express her belief that she was unfairly disqualified. Talackova tweeted, "I'm not going to let them just disqualify me over discrimination." It's illegal in Canada to discriminate against a person based on their gender identity. A movement to support Talackova has gained momentum. Almost 25,000 people have signed a petition to reinstate Talackova as a contestant in the pageant.

How about a petition that claims Talackova can't be reinstated as a contestant because she lied on her application? Talackova says she looks and feels like a woman. I think I look and feel like a princess but I wouldn't put that on a job application.

Should Talackova be allowed to compete in the Miss Universe Canada competition? I don't know. One thing I do know; in this undeniably male dominated society, I think it's totally unfair that men have figured out a way to join the female club without going through the initiation.

An Open Letter to Anybody (Bristol writes Obama)

Bristol Palin has reached for her keyboard once again. In response to President Barack Obama's telephone call to Sandra Fluke, Palin posted an open letter on her blog, titled "Mr. President, when should I expect your call?"

Palin surfaced so many points in so few paragraphs that her letter resembles a literary yard sale. She dragged old issues out of the closet, shined them up and laid them out for cheap, assuming that at least one point would sell. I'm just impressed that Palin's publicist was able to capture her "voice" and still write a letter that made sense. And that is the sad irony of the situation. It's a dark day in America when Bristol Palin, a total dolt, effectively points out the double standard in the media and contradictions in politics.

Palin (and her publicist) writes, "But here's why I'm a little surprised my phone hasn't rung. Your $1,000,000 donor Bill Maher has said reprehensible things about my family." Will Obama call Palin? Unless she joins the Democratic party and promotes his agenda, there's no chance her phone will ring. Furthermore, it doesn't matter whether Maher donated $1 million or $1 — its return wouldn't change the impact of his pubescent, and as Bristol accurately described, "reprehensible" behavior.
Maher has repeatedly described Bristol and Sarah Palin using language that is literally unprintable. In June 2011, he said, "Bristol Palin has to admit the reason she (unprintable word right here) Levi over and over until a baby fell out is because she liked it!"

In a cyclical, "It's the Circle of Life" argument (a la "The Lion King"), Maher and Rush Limbaugh disguise journalism as political opinion, and on an as-needed basis, disguise political opinion as comedic entertainment. The beautiful thing about this cyclical philosophy is that the journalist/political analyst/entertainer doesn't have to take responsibility for the drivel that falls out of his mouth. Maher and Limbaugh argue that they have the right to free speech and the liberty to speak their opinion using whatever language they chose which cannot be challenged since it is all part of a comedy act. Are four letter words required to make an insightful and witty joke?

Maher refused to apologize for gutter-worthy jokes about Sarah Palin, arguing that if the audience laughs at the jokes then the language is acceptable. His logic assumes that social and community mores determine the bounds of his topics and language. He said, "People have won cases about pornography based on this (argument) the community says it's OK." There you have it. It's the community's fault that Maher must use foul language to elicit laughter from the audience.

When Limbaugh lost sponsors as a result of his comments about Fluke, Maher said, "Rush, I don't have sponsors — I'm on HBO." Apparently it's also the sponsor's responsibility to police the "entertainment" on TV since HBO will not.

Let's keep in mind that Maher and Limbaugh are, technically, intelligent men. Yet, both made moronic inflammatory statements and drew attention to women who frankly didn't deserve the air time. Bristol Palin's greatest talent is exploiting her relationship to a failed vice presidential candidate. Why is Maher wasting valuable joke bandwidth on Bristol Palin?

Fluke became the target of Limbaugh's attacks when she testified before Congress on the negative impact of restrictive insurance coverage as it relates to contraception and religious institutions' freedoms under federal law. Why did Limbaugh attack Fluke rather than attack her testimony? You would never have known that Fluke was in law school based on her testimony because it's filled with anecdotal evidence and unconvincing numbers. As an example, she let the audience get preoccupied with a story about a lesbian with ovarian cysts. (She should know that any story that includes a lesbian is a one-way ticket to a distracted audience.) Fluke's inability to persuasively argue her own point was completely overlooked as all eyes focused on Limbaugh's equally unpersuasive, crass criticism.

Limbaugh is a plebian with a microphone and Maher is mediocrity incarnate. Obama needs to stop apologizing for other people and hang up the phone. Fluke should hide under a rock for hideous under achievement and Bristol Palin needs to go to college because she will need a dictionary to read this column.

Virginia Russell
http://www.naplesnews.com/news/2012/mar/22/virginias-state-of-mind-an-open-letter-to/

Burmese Pythons take over the Everglades in Florida

This article is rated R for contents of a disturbing nature.

The snake situation in Florida is literally giving me nightmares. The number of Burmese python snakes in the Everglades is greater than the population of the city of Naples. As if that's not enough, there is a shortage of coral snake antivenom. In my mind, the governor should declare a state snake emergency.

Burmese pythons didn't start here. They were originally brought to Southwest Florida as exotic pets from Southeast Asia. The story goes that during Hurricane Andrew in 1992, a pet python was released or escaped into the Everglades. The Florida Everglades offered a habitat from heaven: plush wetlands, fresh water and cute fuzzy little animals ripe for the picking. The pythons have no natural predator in the Everglades and thus, they are now living fat and happy. They eat everything from pet cats to large alligators. For example, one python found in the Everglades was killed just after it had eaten a 76-pound deer.

The exact number of pythons is unknown. That's understandable since the snakes 1) slither and swim so fast they are hard to count and 2) who in their right mind would go out in the Everglades with the sole purpose of counting pythons?

Some experts believe that since the 1990s the python population has grown to a conservative estimate of 30,000. Given that the pythons have no natural enemies in the Everglades, if that same growth rate is used, the current population of 30,000 would grow to over 7 billion by 2032. That estimate assumes that half the current Burmese python population is female and each female's clutch produces eight surviving eggs. Hopefully things like natural selection will curb the python reproduction otherwise there will be more snakes than humans.

An average python can grow up to 20 feet and weigh more than 200 pounds. If you lined up all of the existing pythons head to tail, they would stretch all the way across Interstate 75 between Naples and Miami. The governor should change the name of Alligator Alley to Python Alley.

Scientists tagged some of the crafty pythons and discovered that the snakes were actually swimming beyond the brackish waters of the Everglades and into the salt water of the Florida Bay. A recent article published in the Journal of Experimental Marine Biology and Ecology suggested that the pythons could be able to swim between the Key islands.

That's not all. There are 400 species of snakes in Florida but the good news is that only eight of the 400 are venomous. The bad news is that one of the eight venomous snakes, the coral snake, has life-threatening venom. The worst news is that if you are bitten by the coral snake, common to Southwest Florida, you're doomed. There's so little antivenom left in Florida you'll likely have to be intubated and resuscitated until the poisonous venom wears off, which can take weeks.

The Everglades are one of the seven natural wonders of the world. In my opinion (which is in no way scientific) the pythons are mucking up the Everglades ecosystem and are endangering its position on the list of seven natural wonders. At this rate, the seven natural wonders may turn into the six natural wonders of the world.
I think someone (not me) should pack up some coral snakes in a box marked "exotic pets" and send them on a one-way ticket back to Burma (Myanmar).

http://www.naplesnews.com/news/2012/feb/23/virginias-state-of-mind-my-venom-for-snakes/