I recently bought frozen, chocolate chip cookies, baked and served them to my guests as if they were “homemade”. Similarly, Bristol Palin has “written” a book and it is now available in bookstores across America. It is titled, Not Afraid of Life, My Journey So Far. If Bristol at age 20 is already on a book-worthy journey, I must be nearing the end of an epic-long trek.
You probably don’t need to read the book as the made-for-TV movie is sure to be out soon. Depending on who is cast as Bristol, you may want to watch even if TV is not your thing since the book begins with a sex scene.
According to Bristol, the sex scene and resulting pregnancy was the consequence of too many sweet wine coolers. Bristol admits of the evil wine coolers, “I slowly surrendered to their woozy charms.” I’ve known it all along but now I have documented proof. Wine coolers are the magician’s muse and the devil’s dessert.
Bristol writes, “I never drank. In fact, I knew nothing about anything bad really….especially the differences between vodka, beer and whiskey. I didn’t know that the girly flavored wine coolers were just as likely to get you drunk as the hard stuff.” I’ve only read the first chapter and I’ve already learned so much from Bristol’s journey. I now know that when I tell my children “It’s illegal to drink alcohol under the age of 21” I will also need to say, “That includes wine coolers, even the girly flavors.”
I contacted the wine cooler manufacturer to discuss the serious implications of their fruity flavors. They seemed unconcerned and said they would “get back to me.” I then decided to test the dangerous girly-flavored wine coolers to determine for myself how many it takes to become completely intoxicated, pass out and wake up pregnant. Since wine coolers have low alcohol content I figured I would need to drink them as fast as possible to get to the point of semi-consciousness.
The only remarkable thing I can say about my first drink is that it was refreshing. After I finished my third drink in 30 minutes I felt like a fruit salad floating out to sea. There was no chance I could drink enough wine coolers to get totally sloshed and hit the pavement face down. I can’t explain how Bristol got pregnant, but I don’t think it was the charming wine coolers.
“Why am I telling you-and my family for the first time-this personal information?” Bristol shares with the reader. I wondered the same thing and continued reading, hoping to find some reasonable answer.
I have reached page 16 in Not Afraid of Life, My Journey So Far and I feel like I’m pretty much done. I think I have the general gist of her life and journey thus far. Technically, Bristol has included many polysyllabic words and handily used her thesaurus.
More than ever I appreciate the importance of a good editor. With that in mind, I have baked homemade, not frozen, chocolate chip cookies which I am delivering to my editor today.