Wednesday, March 2

It's Never Too Early to Start Planning for April Fool's Day

If you are unclear about the rules of folly on April 1st, I will give you a brief primer.

The morning of April 1, 2011, all bets are off and the game is on (you can use any cliche you want here).  Any prank that does not induce pain, harm or maim a person, place or thing, is fair game.  If you want to know more than that, wait until April Fool's Day and I will write an extensive historical background on the holiday (that will be part of a prank so be smart enough not to believe it but definitely tell other people to read it).

An effective prank requires that you know the weakness of your prey.  That is why it is important to start early so that your execution is not impeded by silly logistical questions, like which bathroom do they usually use.

Over the course of the next few weeks I will be offering up some of the best known April Fool's pranks that you and hopefully others will enjoy.  Today we will be covering my personal favorite, the Coffee Kicker.  This prank works best in an office that is located in a cost efficient building, great for the company, terrible for you, and absolutely nowhere near anything.  Consequently, the only coffee available is from the communal kitchen coffee pot. 

Day 1, Get in early, and make the coffee.  When the pot is empty, make more coffee.  Continue to do this the rest of the day and the next day and establish yourself as the coffee guy/girl. 

Day 3, Add a little extra coffee each day thereby increasing the amount of caffeine everyone is ingesting.  If necessary, go out and buy a highly caffeinated coffee and substitute or add it to the coffee you are already using.  By the end of March, you should be making coffee that has the caffeine content of espresso. 

March 28th, Schedule a critical meeting, attendance required at 8:00am April 1st.

March 31st, Send a meeting reminder.  Tell them coffee and fresh fruit will be served.

April 1st, switch to decaffeinated coffee.  Buy decaffeinated coffee and put the decaffeinated coffee in the regular coffee can so that no one will suspect the difference.  At the 8:00am meeting, serve coffee, tell them you forgot the fruit and show a PowerPoint presentation about desk and keyboard ergonomics in the work place.  If you are feeling particularly sassy, hide any bottles of pain reliever that might be about the office.

If you are the only person that finds this really, really funny, identify a person on the floor above you and have them do the opposite.  For example, they will slowly ween the coffee drinkers off of caffeine and on April Fool's Day, give them espresso.  Take video, it will end up on YouTube for sure.

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